Expecting the Unexpected

...alternately titled, "Raising a Jack".

I took pictures of some of the little surprises Jack leaves for me. This post has pictures from just one day of life with my tot. There are so many intangible surprises, I am thrilled that I could capture just a few of the tangible moments as evidence of the active imagination that makes having a toddler boy amazing.

So this post is for everyone who has raised a little boy. It's for anyone who hasn't. And it's for anyone who delights, as I do, in finding comedy in the ordinary.

Because Jack is anything but ordinary.

And I love him.

This Is What Happens When I Blog...

...instead of doing housework. Or when I play hide-and-go-seek instead of doing housework. Or snuggle with some double trouble twinsies instead of doing housework....

Observe: CLB (chronic laundry buildup)

I think the only cure for CLB is professional help. But that's not an option. So, I continue to suffer from this debilitating condition.

You'll be happy to note that shortly after these photos were taken, I did sort the laundry into to-be-folded baskets according to whom the laundry belongs. And then I put another load in the dryer, so I'm just waiting for that to finish before I actually fold it. (Thereby justifying me blogging about how blogging contributes to CLB.) Afterwards, there is no telling how long it will sit, folded, outside of bedrooms.

Yikes.

So Many Other Things To Do...

...and yet, here I am, blogging like I have all the time in the world. Oh well. All the babies are sleeping so I am devoid of a snuggle partner and frankly, I just don't want to tackle the kitchen floor right now and taking a shower is pointless until AFTER Jack and I have played in the pool.

Anyway, I changed the name of my blog, as you can see. I hear so many people tell me my house is a "zoo" and that I am the keeper. At first, I was a little miffed at the implications, but then I realized that it's a little bit true. And now I realize it's entirely true. Of course, I say this with nothing but love an affection for my "animals".

I think it took me awhile to fully transition from 1 child to 3. I think I fought against it a little bit; I might have been more reluctant than I thought to step a little further away from my "old" self - the high-heel-wearing, fashionable, Starbucks-cup-carrying, Prius-driving, social-event-attending, husband-doting, flirty, up-and-coming young professional (though professional "what" was still to be determined...). Not that I even spent much time being THAT person before I was planning our family of 3 and waiting for my son to arrive, but I enjoyed THAT. I felt like I was getting a little closer to getting back to a place close to that when I got pregnant with the girls. I've always been thrilled to welcome them into our family. From the moment I saw Addison's little face, I knew how blessed I was to have completely shut the door on "old" Melissa. But when they first came home with me, I don't think I realized how far away from not just Starbucks-cup Melissa I was, but from husband-doting Melissa. Even Jack's-Mommy Melissa. Now I'm Mom-of-Three Melissa. I don't have enough arms to carry all the kids, let alone a Starbucks cup.

So now I wear babies in slings instead of the latest trendy shirt from Express. I wear mismatched flip-flops because Jack picked them out for me instead of heels. I attend play dates, not happy hour. I drive a minivan (albeit, a bitchin mini, but still a minivan) instead of my Prius. I am no longer concerned with anything even remotely resembling a profession. Sure, I'd like to make some money to help our family one of these days, but I'm utterly indifferent to the idea of a career. With one child, I still had the Prius, my cup, my heels, etc. I could walk through a grocery store and people would say, "Wow I really like your shoes! What a cute kiddo!" I could HAVE a hair style and actually style my bangs before I left to go someplace. Now, I have a ponytail of varying heights with two headbands that I swap out depending on the pair of sunglasses I'm wearing. I go someplace and I hear, "Oh my gosh, are all those kids YOURS?"

Yes, yes they are. All 3 of them.

And it's not like 3 is a ton! But they're young. I'm young. I look younger without makeup and you bet your ass I rarely wear makeup.

When people passed me and apologetically said, "Oh honey, you have your hands so full!" or asked why I would go through the hassle of taking 3 kids out in public by myself, I used to only be able to muster a weak smile and say, "Yeah... it's tough."

But that didn't last very long. It only took a few weeks before I'd just grin back at the person and declare, "Yep, my arms are full alright, but I wouldn't have it any other way!" and explain that I take 3 kids out in public with me because, well, I need to buy groceries and I don't want to leave any of them behind for any amount of time. I want them near me always. Why? Because I'd like to keep both my feet on my body, my ears... need them to stick around... I'm quite fond of having my nose intact and my fingernails. Likewise, my kids are just as much a part of me if not more-so, and I am not whole without them.

Going from one child to three has meant a LOT more sacrifices - giving up my sleep, time with Justin, dignity (in some cases) and a little more of that "old" Melissa. It wasn't easy, but I'm so there now. And what I've realized is that "old" Melissa was a temporary condition; "this" Melissa has always been who I am, I just needed to add the kids, stir, bake for a few weeks and here I am. I'm happy and content. The chaos that is my house more often than not... well, it makes me smile. Granted, I'm not always smiling when I've put the kids to bed (and, yes, in case you were wondering, for the purposes of this post, Justin is included in the "kids" category) and am cleaning the kitchen or sweeping up the rice that Jack has managed to spread across the entire first floor, but I wake up excited for the day ahead of me.

I really, honestly, truly, have embraced this new normal for us. Despite the challenges, or maybe because of them, I am secure and content in who I am. I feel blessed and proud that my kids are a part of my life are my life. Being a wife and mom isn't a part of who I am - it is who I am. The Starbucks cups and heels were a part of me, and a disposable part at that. I have the rest of my life to wear trendy shirts, but for how long will my kids be little enough to wear around in a sling? I've chosen to - and yes, there are times when I actively have to choose - to stop worrying about how little sleep I get or how stubbly my legs are and just go with it.

I think I've blogged about this topic before... or at least something similar when I wrote about how I was going to quit wishing for my kids to be older and stop looking forward to the next step and focus on enjoying the present. It's something I've struggled with since Jack was still a wee little fetus, and I'm sure other moms have dealt with as well. This whole "love my mom-self" post is a little like that... I don't think I meant for it to get this long-winded and I'm sure not many of you care much about my inner struggles... but it makes me feel a little better to put this out there. It's like I'm revealing a big secret or something; saying, "Guess what? It's not always perfect, but that's okay and I'm okay."

Not that there was ever a time when I was unhappy or when I didn't want what we have or when I resented the kids. It's just that there have been a few times when I simply forgot to be happy because I was so busy answering cries and changing diapers and picking up Thomas trains. Now I make being happy my priority and if I kick Thomas under the couch because I'm dancing around the living room like a goof, well, Thomas can stay there for awhile and I don't really care. I guess I've come to the conclusion that happiness and kids comes from living in the moment - in every moment - because there end up being so few of them in the long run.

So that's what's been on my mind for the last couple of days.

I mean, really - how can you not love being able to do this in the middle of cooking dinner?

So my house is a zoo... Who cares? I wouldn't want it any other way.

Just Some Stuff...

...for you to look at. If you see my facebook or baby website, you've seen these a 100 times already!

Stellan

Warm Woolen Mittens...

...and a few of my other favorite things (of the moment):

*Jack expresses gratitude by saying, "Thanks, Buddy!"
*The babies smile so huge when I go near them or they hear my voice
*Addie is starting to coo
*Amber and her new baby Jolee are safe and sound
*We are nearly certain in our decision to stay in the Navy or get out
*I've started planning based on that decision to give myself something to look forward to
*I'm REALLY looking forward to it
*Aqua and orange together
*Chocolate brown and mint green too
*I just made banana cake with Jack (even though he left out the vanilla) and it smells delish
*The new shirt-dress I bought at Target is adorable
*Finger-painting
*The right food soothes any negative feelings
*The right amount of coffee soothes my frayed nerves
*The "right amount" is usually measured in pints, not cups
*All of Jack's old clothes... I've been going through them to pass on to a friend and it has brought back amazing memories
*And I feel like I'm moving on and growing as a mother of 3, not just "Jack's Mom"
*More sweet, less bitter...
*Photography is so much fun
*Jack tells me he loves me
*I don't have words for the love I feel for my children
*Babylegs are amazing
*And so are WubbaNubs
*We save money for charity and it feels really good
*There are still good people in the world
*I have freaking awesome friends
*When the girls wear white onesies, they look like marshmallows with arms and legs and I want to eat them up
*Babies have a smell to them that I love
*I love 6 months and older much more than the newborn stage
*Halloween is going to be adorable this year...but I can't decide what to make the kids
*Justin's taking leave to just stay at home for a week in August
*My house is constantly a mess but you should see the Crayola artwork that adorns the walls - it makes the mess worth ignoring
*In fact, I'm going to go color some dinosaurs with him

It Really Does.

...fly, that is. Time. It struck me today, when I was grouchily wishing the girls were older so they could do _____ with us. Or older so I don't have to worry about _______. Then, I looked across the table at my 29 month old Jack and realized that I was wishing away time with my children by wanting the babies to be anything but what they are right this minute. How unfair is that?

This is what I was looking at on June 13, 2007...

...and this is my all-grown-up kiddo on July 7, 2009.

I feel like it was seriously a second ago. And there was so much in-between! How can I wish that away? It's pretty rough right now around here, but instead of working on schedules and ABC's and potty-training and housework, I'm working hardest on slowing down and appreciating each minute for what it is: a blessing, and a unique moment in time that won't ever be repeated. If I look back 2 years from now at today, I want to have something to see. So if I take some time between blog posts or don't return a phone call or get all my laundry folded or take a shower, you'll forgive me; I've got memories to make.

Because it really does fly and I'm terrified that the next time I look across the table at Jack, he'll be telling me which college he's going to go to and I'll have run out of time.