Monday, November 16, 2009

Not Me! Monday

I would never be a slacky blogger, so I wouldn't ever have to ride on MckMama's coat-tails, desperate for an excuse to stretch my itchy fingers and dust off my keyboard!

So here we go, since I'm teeming with creative juices of late, I've got plenty of stuff that I can only imagine doing!

FOR instance, I ALWAYS eat healthily and provide for my family well-balanced meals full of nutritional goodness.  I'd never dream of allowing Jack to eat Cheetos for breakfast, nor would I, desperate for a sweet-fix, ever be caught dead standing in the pantry pouring myself a mouthful of Aunt Jemima pancake syrup.

Ick, like, for reals.

And because nutrition is so important to me, I would NEVER decide that my steamed beans were too bland at dinner and shove them onto my toddler's plate when he and Daddy weren't looking.  You know, because it's totally more acceptable for a 2 year old to not eat his veggies than his nursing-twins Mommy.

Yes, sirrie, Bob, all about health here.  No Nor'easter flood-puddle jumping for us... I mean, I'd be totally grossed out if I let my child splash in every puddle between school and home (and if I had accompanied him!) only to find out later that sewage was backing up.  Eeeew, sick!

I also like to hold myself to the highest grooming standards, so I would never be left wondering if my eyebrow hairs grow faster than my leg hairs, or if it just SEEMS like it and if I let my eyebrow hairs get as long as my leg hairs, would they seem to grow as slowly?  And is it an exponential growth-rate where the shorter the hair, the faster it grows and it slows down as I get more and more shaggy?  All of these musings are totally moot points as my legs are always shaved and bows always neatly plucked.  Seriously.**

Likewise, since good manners accompany good grooming, I would never delight in my son's use of the word "deuce" to describe his bowel movement, nor would I praise the statement, "Ow, fock, I hurt me!" for the demonstration of a solid understanding of pronouns at an early age.  I would certainly correct him and explain that "deuce" is not a nice word and should be replaced with "potty" or "feces" or "bowel movement" and that "fock" is a terrible word and that I have no idea where he heard it since I would never, ever use it 30 times a day once in my life and neither should he.

You know what? There are plenty - PLENTY - of other things I'd be ashamed of myself for doing or saying or not doing or not saying.  BUT I am going to try to divert my creativity to more, better posts and especially stop procrastinating and go ahead and do my "awards" post, as well as the girls' next food: Butternut Squash.  Yikes, lots to do... Thankfully I always am totally on top of everything!  (*grin*)

**Disclaimer: I haven't got busy eyebrows - I just have stragglers that need to be plucked to MAINTAIN my arches.


Alicia said...

These were all too funny! This all happened in 1 week? We have NOT had the"fock" issues either:)

Blogs said...

Your so cute...I never heard of kids know better not to say anything close to a swear word even when I can't help myself sometimes in front of them...I know, shame on meh! Judge me all you want!~Seriously though-I cannot stand people with Bushy Eyebrows...if I ever let mine go please be sure to tell me:)

Shannon K. said...

Nice on deuce! That is pretty hilarious. My child has not said "fock" but many other expletives have passed her 2 year old lips. ;)

Candice said...

A mouthful of syrup??? I thought I had a sweet tooth! LOL

Melis said...

Hahahaha, Vic, I added a disclaimer for ya - I totally have groomed brows, just a few strays need to go. Sheesh. Always critics, always. And YES, all this nonsense happened this week and there was more but I ran out of time!

Christine:) said...

I usually go for spoonfuls of dry powdered hot chocolate. Yum.....

I LOVE how Jack should post a video, seriously.

Thanks for making me laugh out loud already today!! I love it!

Nicole @MTDLBlog said...

Love your "Not Me" Mondays! SO funny!

The (Un)Experienced Mom said...

Hahaha! I am pretty sure I was looking in the mirror at my eyebrows at the very same time you were, and thinking those very same thoughts.

I almost took a picture of my legs the other day to write a post about them, but then thought "Nope, better not. No one will believe me anyhow. They'll just think I took a picture of my husband's legs." Yep, that bad.

Happy Monday Melis (and her hairs!).

P.S. Totally have no idea what it's like to hear that kind of language out of a tiny mouth! ;-)

Tanya said...

Bwahahahahaha. NICE! Kaia uses the term "dropping a deuce" occasionally...and totally did not get it from me. OK, she did...but hey...;o) Anyway...leg hairs, eyebrow hairs...not as bad as the carpet brewing in my pits!! Alrighty Mama...hope your enjoying duty day!


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