Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Hey, Sunshine!

Well, after my somewhat dreary last post, I'm thrilled to report that I'm feeling better - much, much better!  I've spent a good amount of time in deep reflection and in trying desperately to narrow my focus and reset myself.  I'd been caught up in trying to stabilize our whole life and missing out of the joys that individual minutes can offer - even if the next one brings a stressful phone call or a broken window, the one that follows has the potential to be as wonderful as the previous was frustrating.  To use a simple photography analogy, I'd been trying to capture my life with a wide-angle lens, but what I really needed was a macro lens.  I've got my aperture open wide now, and I'm letting the background blur beyond recognition and the beauty directly in front of me come into sharp focus.  It doesn't always come super easily, but it's a skill worth working on because each day I'm given is too precious to waste worrying about perfection.  It's an on-going effort since change is swirling around me and it's easy to get side-tracked, but being able to write about it, to talk about it with my amazing husband and to feel the support of my incredible friends and family has helped immeasurably.  So thank you - Kate, Tanya, Arizona Mamma, Sonora - you ladies, especially. 

Thanks also needs to go to my kiddos - Addie has been especially bubbly over the last few days and Jordan has been charming at refreshingly surprising times, and Jack has been absolutely perfect. 

I've been delighting in the conversations I've had with Jack lately - he's just a remarkable little guy and can be so funny.  The other night he wanted to go out to play in the yard after dinner, but the pollen was out of control and I didn't want to take freshly bathed babies into the yellow-coated grass so I made an excuse about there being too many bugs (there were bumble bees trapped on our screened porch).  Jack looked at me in that earnest way kids do and said, "Don't worry Mama, I'm Super Jack! I'll get bugs; you stay here if you're scared."  I'd not heard him refer to himself as "Super Jack" before so I was bemused to see where this was going.  "Oh, Super Jack, eh?"  "Yes," he said, "See, it says SOOOOOOOOOO-PER JAAAAACKKKK," as he moved his finger along his shirt which clearly said "my mom rules".  "See, right there!" He said as he thumped his chest.  "Oh, I do see that now, thanks.  Well, Super Jack, how would you go about 'taking care of the bugs'?"  "With my cape and the water hose."  Huh.  I love that he had it all planned out.  So I casually mentioned, "Oh, gee, did I mention these bugs are BEES?" He looked shocked and said, "Bees?! Okay, Mama, Super Jack can stay eeeeeeeenside." 

I mean, with conversations like that, how can you hang on to stress for too long?


Sonora said...

I am so glad you are feeling better. It is so hard to feel that way and try to still hold it together as mom and wife.
I love the conversation between you and your son. I just love the way kids think and the things they say.
When I found your blog, I was having a hard time and I was truly touched by the fact that you not only visited my blog, but read many of my posts and took the time to comment. I felt like I had found a long lost friend and it really buoyed me up.

It is hard for me to know someone is struggling and not know how to help them. I'm glad I was able to offer some support that was meaningful to you. I feel so helpless being so far away. I feel protective of my blog friends. I got your back though, however I can!

Kate said...

I'm so happy that you are feeling better. I've been praying for you.

I love how you enjoy your children and that they are your focus. Your photography analogy was wonderful.

Welcome back, M ;-)

Candice said...

I am glad you are feeling better. I know there is much stress in your life, but at least several HUGE blessing too. Hugs!

Tanya said...

I'm glad you're feeling much better, Hun! Super Jack...he's so freakin' cute. He had me cracking up with the things he was saying. The girls were just adorable. Ahhhhhhhhhh...my ovaries!!!!! Anyway...they're such a direct reflection of you and all the hard work that you put into them...even when you don't think you do, you are. You're an amazing mom, wife, & friend...keep doing what you do!


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