I hate that it's been so long since I last posted anything meaningful. I hate, in fact, that my life is in chaos right now.
I'm actually going to make a confession: I'm having a really hard time with quite a bit right now.
I know. A chink in my SuperMom armor.
We're facing a huge - HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE - transition and the universe seems always to work in opposition to what would be the easier route for me so issues tend to require the most complicated possible solution. And that exhausts me. I'm feeling a little like every time I get my footing and hop up to stand tall and ride a wave, another swell knocks me down... one I didn't even see coming. And I'm swallowing a lot of water. I'm not drowning, exactly, but I'm certainly not surfing with any amount of grace or coordination.
Wow... it feels better to be talking about it. Really.
I don't like to admit I need help or to acknowledge that I can't do everything for everyone always, but the other day I was clearing away lunch dishes and Jack said, "I miss you, Mama."
Ladies and gentlemen, that stopped me in my tracks. Really? I'm right here. Except I'm not... not always. I'm pretty distant and not always my perky, plucky, sassy self... and it took a 3 year old to make me realize that I'm in grave danger of missing out on the best parts of my life because I'm flailing around like a monkey on LSD trying to figure out what's going on and trying to gain some modicum of focus amidst the flurry of change going on around me.
So I'm trying. I'm working on myself a little bit and recognizing that I'm no less of a woman or a mom or a wife, but I am looking at this as an opportunity to grow and become stronger and make sure that when I look back on this period of my life, I can be proud that I did everything I possibly could to live and to thrive and to revel in my blessings instead of exist or endure or get through "it". You know?
I didn't mean to pour all of that out, but I'm finding that peeling back the hard shell is refreshing and if this blog is for nothing else, it's for me.
Gee, and all I really wanted to do was share some Easter pictures with you... wow!
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