Not Me! Monday

Here I am, bummed that it's Monday and a little shocked that it's already Monday and pondering how on earth I ever got by without MckMama's Not Me! Monday routine to cleanse me of last week's potential disasters and get ready to tackle the next 7 days with my customary confidence and poise...



I am happy to announce that I'm typing this post at a desk free of clutter and devoid of Halloween candy wrappers (especially since it's pre-Halloween) and empty snack-sized bags of Sun Chips. I would never have made myself a dinner composed of such nutritionally empty foods. Not when I'm fully capable of and enthusiastic about cooking. All the time.



Since my dear husband's job does not demand that he work ludicrous hours throughout the entire week, including the weekend, I am never left trying to cram several days' worth of family activities into one morning, so I most certainly would not have dragged us all to the Pumpkin Patch with the intent of getting at least two good photos out of it and if everything went to hell thereafter, I'd at least have my photos. Therefore, I would never have propped my infant daughters up in a pile of hay, knowing they can't sit up on their own yet and started snapping pictures, regardless of their obvious discomfort. Had I done that, one of my babies might have tipped over and face-planted in the straw. At least, being the excellent mother that I am, I promise that if something like that were to happen, my priority would definitely be to pick her up and make sure she's okay. NOT to snap a picture, howl with laughter and THEN fix her position... I would honestly consider such a person to be a terrible, heartless mother.

She'd probably also be the one who insisted on taking her son, obviously uninterested in goats, into the petting farm so that she could pet the adorable, cuddly little baby goats... you know, the "exploiter"... using her kids for things like free Dum-Dums at the bank drive-up...

Loser.

Anyway... In case you didn't know, I exude sex appeal at all times. I can't really help it. I'm just not at all the kind of woman who would ever be caught dead without make-up or wearing the same outfit for 3 days in a row. So I most certainly did not pick my son up from school one afternoon and have several conversations with several other people and get all the way home before I realized that I had forgotten to snap my nursing bra cup back in place. I, pinnacle of hotness, wouldn't have to worry about being totally mortified when I realized that one boob was supported and in its proper place while the other udder had sagged down with zero support whatsoever. Thankfully, too, since I'm sure that would be beyond embarrassing.

Not to worry though; it's not like I'd get embarrassed about anything, ever.

So it's totally fine when my son wants to pretend he's my father-in-law's dog and "tinkle" every 5 feet on our way to school by lifting his leg on the landscaping in every yard between here and there. And since I'm never in a hurry, clearly, I certainly wouldn't lift my own leg when he demands that "Mama tinkle" just to get him to continue walking. Nah, I'd just stand there clutching my dignity and grace and wait for him to tire of the game. No freakin way would I give in to the demands of a toddler with an active imagination.

Well since I did not let my babies hang out in swings for the last 5 minutes to wrap this up, there's no reason they'd be crying (especially since they're perfect babies who never make a peep) and since I have endless patience, any peep they did make would never bother me even a tiny bit so I'm not going to go scoop them up and read Goodnight Moon to them 15 times even though all they do is drool and smack the pages since they don't understand 2-dimensional versus 3-dimensional yet.

Have a great week!