Sunday, October 25, 2009

Not Me! Monday

Here I am, bummed that it's Monday and a little shocked that it's already Monday and pondering how on earth I ever got by without MckMama's Not Me! Monday routine to cleanse me of last week's potential disasters and get ready to tackle the next 7 days with my customary confidence and poise...



I am happy to announce that I'm typing this post at a desk free of clutter and devoid of Halloween candy wrappers (especially since it's pre-Halloween) and empty snack-sized bags of Sun Chips. I would never have made myself a dinner composed of such nutritionally empty foods. Not when I'm fully capable of and enthusiastic about cooking. All the time.



Since my dear husband's job does not demand that he work ludicrous hours throughout the entire week, including the weekend, I am never left trying to cram several days' worth of family activities into one morning, so I most certainly would not have dragged us all to the Pumpkin Patch with the intent of getting at least two good photos out of it and if everything went to hell thereafter, I'd at least have my photos. Therefore, I would never have propped my infant daughters up in a pile of hay, knowing they can't sit up on their own yet and started snapping pictures, regardless of their obvious discomfort. Had I done that, one of my babies might have tipped over and face-planted in the straw. At least, being the excellent mother that I am, I promise that if something like that were to happen, my priority would definitely be to pick her up and make sure she's okay. NOT to snap a picture, howl with laughter and THEN fix her position... I would honestly consider such a person to be a terrible, heartless mother.

She'd probably also be the one who insisted on taking her son, obviously uninterested in goats, into the petting farm so that she could pet the adorable, cuddly little baby goats... you know, the "exploiter"... using her kids for things like free Dum-Dums at the bank drive-up...

Loser.

Anyway... In case you didn't know, I exude sex appeal at all times. I can't really help it. I'm just not at all the kind of woman who would ever be caught dead without make-up or wearing the same outfit for 3 days in a row. So I most certainly did not pick my son up from school one afternoon and have several conversations with several other people and get all the way home before I realized that I had forgotten to snap my nursing bra cup back in place. I, pinnacle of hotness, wouldn't have to worry about being totally mortified when I realized that one boob was supported and in its proper place while the other udder had sagged down with zero support whatsoever. Thankfully, too, since I'm sure that would be beyond embarrassing.

Not to worry though; it's not like I'd get embarrassed about anything, ever.

So it's totally fine when my son wants to pretend he's my father-in-law's dog and "tinkle" every 5 feet on our way to school by lifting his leg on the landscaping in every yard between here and there. And since I'm never in a hurry, clearly, I certainly wouldn't lift my own leg when he demands that "Mama tinkle" just to get him to continue walking. Nah, I'd just stand there clutching my dignity and grace and wait for him to tire of the game. No freakin way would I give in to the demands of a toddler with an active imagination.

Well since I did not let my babies hang out in swings for the last 5 minutes to wrap this up, there's no reason they'd be crying (especially since they're perfect babies who never make a peep) and since I have endless patience, any peep they did make would never bother me even a tiny bit so I'm not going to go scoop them up and read Goodnight Moon to them 15 times even though all they do is drool and smack the pages since they don't understand 2-dimensional versus 3-dimensional yet.

Have a great week!

11 comments:

Candice said...

I also laugh at my child instead of helping him way too often. LOL

The Thompsons said...

HA HA love your blog!

Summer Willard said...

Hey! Your Not Me Monday was great! The part about the nursing bra really had me laughing! That happened to me once too! I wanted to share with fellow MckMama readers a new blog that I have created. I'm going to be doing some great giveaways in the near future, so if you go to my blog and follow it, you can be part of the fun! Thanks so much!!

be-simply-beautiful.blogspot.com

The (Un)Experienced Mom said...

Have I mentioned lately that you crack me up?! SOOO great!

Heck I do that with my nursing bras all the time. Might be why I rarely wear one anymore unless I am leaving the house. And that picture of your girls is so darn cute. How could you not take the picture? My youngest was slumped forward and almost catapulted out of the bouncy chair today. Where was I? Headed for the camera! (Didn't get the shot either - he sat back before I did - have to get quicker!).

Mind Of Mindi said...

You are hillarious! I too would NEVER wear clothes 2-3 days in a row (to save on laundry detergent and cut the laundry in half.) PLUS I wouldn't be caught dead not wearing my make up everyday, noooo waaaaay! Happy Monday! :)

Nicole said...

Again.....Laughing out Loud at your Not Me Post....this is going to become my Monday routine read....you are so funny!

Tanya said...

Love it!

the ref said...

Your writing is great! Loved visiting your blog! be back soon...

Lollie said...

Loved that! Thanks for the laugh:)

Arizona Mamma said...

I can relate to much of this! Or maybe I should say I can "not" relate. I wanted to say thanks by the way, for leaving such a thoughtful comment on my post. Everything you mentioned is precisely how I am. I always run the worst case scenarios through my head...like when my husband is going to the store, my 2 year old daughter is going with him, and she is throwing a screaming fit about leaving me. Fleeting thought: what if they didn't make it back. Just like you said, it's fleeting, but it's there. Thank you so much for articulating it so well.

Kimberly said...

Okay, and I would never giggle uncontrollable at the picture of your little girl doing a face-plant into the hay. Never, because that would just be mean!
Thanks for the non-giggle!

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