Thursday, March 27, 2008

Tumbling... (albeit, the wrong one...)

So, I have to say, it's taken me awhile to distill our first tumbling experience, regardless of the issues with it being the wrong class. Jack really loved it. He was soooo energetic and was running around waving his arms in the air giggling like a mad man and bouncing off mats and boinging around and playing with the little girls like they were best buddies and he tried so hard to do the stuff they were doing - he tried the balance beam and made it about 3 feet on the low one with me holding his hands and when he did something right he'd give us the hugest grin like, "See? I'm such a big boy and you love me!"

I about broke down a few times just watching him race around... the feelings I had were totally indescribable... I wanted so much for you to see him and I wanted to squeeze him so hard and I was so proud of him for coming so far and absolutely astounded that just a year ago he was a tiny, tiny infant who could barely hold his head up for 3 seconds. Incredible. I really, for the first time, understand how it can seem like you blink and they're grown... for the last year, since it's been so grueling and we've trudged through a lot of difficulty, he and I, with the sleeping and eating and kidney issues, it's seemed like the days dragged on and that he was going to be an infant forever and it seemed like time was just sluggish, as if we were proceeding through syrup. But today I realized that he's not an infant. Far from it. He's Jack. A little kid. A little PERSON. Holy shit, where did that come from?! The past year was all a blink, just like people said it would be, because today, when I saw him running around and didn't even know how we got there. And what's worse is knowing that feeling of time slipping away now too fast is not going to go away, ever, and that we'll constantly be fighting to stay right where we are, to dig our heels in and not move on and relish the moment before it, too, fades away.

I guess it isn't about the class itself, necessarily, it was the setting, and more than that, it was Jack... it was Jack showing me that he's so much more than a tiny little empty slate baby. I love him so much it's overpowering. Wow, motherhood. That saggy butt doesn't seem so important right now.

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